I'll warn you immediately that this will not be a bubbly, cheerful and full-of-pictures kind of post. I just feel like I need to get this out of my head so that I can move on and focus on the things that need to be done. I've been stuck with certain kind of thoughts for a few days now and chances are I'm not the only one. There are people out there that have the same kind of situation going on and are feeling the same way that I am right now. So in hopes that I will feel better after writing this and that someone else will feel better knowing that they are not alone, I will now begin explaining.
It's easiest if I just tell you a little background here. I'm currently an abi student. Meaning that I'm going to start my last year of upper secondary school (or high school, whatever you all it in your country) in August. That means that I will have my matriculation examinations this upcoming year. My first ones are in September, three subjects. I decided to start studying early enough to avoid this situation that I am in right now. Didn't really work now, did it? I began light reading in the end June. So that's about two weeks ago. And I'm not doing all too well.
A little bit about me, I get affected by stress very easily which is also one reason why I wanted to start early. I didn't want to study while being extremely stressed because it means that I will read twice as slow. I mean, I'm a slow reader to begin with and I need to get all the reading done before the examinations. I'm also very anxious and I get nervous easily, all feelings that do not help when you have four social study books and six Swedish books to study.
Last night in bed I started to think about this. Kept me awake almost half the night. I've been reading for two weeks now. I have only finished one Swedish book. ONE! I'm not even half way through my first social study book yet. Getting close, but still no. It's been TWO WEEKS! Now before you go all "well you should have a schedule done", let me tell you that I have one. But so far, I haven't been able to follow it. It's not because I'm lazy, it's just because it doesn't work. I sit at my desk, books open and my glasses on, and all my study material just goes by. Like I can't remember a thing and I just start chapters again and again. It's probably just that I'm too stressed. Right now, I don't know how to calm down.
I guess what I'm trying to say here is that sometimes you just got to stop. Take a minute to yourself and breathe. I know that I can't read while being stressed, or I can, but I'm slower, so I just need to accept that. In the end, it's just an examination. It's not worth putting yourself down and feeling bad about not studying. It's a lot of hard work and it's not always easy.
You know, I do feel a bit better. Not much, but a bit. That's a start. Now I have to just make a new study schedule, calm down and start studying. I can do this!
To everyone who is studying for their final examinations, good luck!
Until next time. Take care!