Friday, 13 September 2013

What's Going On?: Diploma and TJ100

Hi there!

  Just a quick introduction here. "What's Going On?:..." is gonna be just reports from what has happend in my life. Like a diary. And also it helps me to write just whatever and have a cool title in it =)

  So a few weeks earlier on the 29th of August I had went to the German Embassy in Helsinki. I was going to receive a German- diploma. My dad was kind enough to give me a ride and stay with me. It suprised me how many people im Finland were there to also recieve this diploma. First there were some nice words spoken, then a student played a quite long piano piece (which was pretty damn awesome may I just add) and then we got the diplomas. And then it was time to eat. Altogether it lasted for about +/- 3 hours. In the near future I hope to get the second part of the diploma done. The reason why is that with this I have the possibility to study in Germany. That would be a dream.

  TJ100 is a "party" in our school. The 3rd graders (just to clarify, there are basically only 3 grades in the Finnish Upper Secondary School, I am currently in the 1st and the 3rd graders are the oldest) have only 100 days of school left and they celebrate it. They have a theme, they dress up and they are allowed to paint our faces full with lipstick, they can capture us and just mess around all day. Also they are kind of revenging on us what they went through on TJ100 when they were 1st or 2nd graders. They also have a "black list" and I was in it. Fun fun fun. Sum everything up: The oldest of the school act stupid and mess around because they have only 100 days of school left (see what I did there, I am revenging). But seriously, if you don't take it as a joke, then you are crazy.

  Okay, that explanation is as stupid as that day but yeah. Anyway, if you follow me on twitter you might have already seen what I looked like when I got home.

  I want to point out that I had eyeliner, lipstick and some kid of an creme eyeshadow in places where they don't belong. And then I had glitter all over my back and hair. The glitter was a really mean trick, it was really hard to get off. And because of all the makeup my face was full of new pimples. Like I don't stuggle with acne enough...

  Later that evening I was going to see a theatre piece. It was...interesting I quess. I was not prepared for it. There was some yelling, a naked scene and they also spoke partly Swedish.

  This week has been horrible. I've been extra busy with school that I am totally exhausted. My test week is going to be in two weeks so I can't really chill on the weekends either. I just hope that next week will be a bit easier as I don't have so much extra to do.

Until next time! Take care!

Sunday, 8 September 2013

My Story | Bullying

Bullying is always wrong!

//Hi there!

  A little note before getting into the actual story: you may or may have not read this story already in Finnish, but I just wanted to translate this. That's all. And also, sorry about my lack of posts, just been busy with school...//

  Bullying is always a serious thing. It can start from a little thing and end up even with a suicide. People are different and the way they react to something is also different. Saying something rude and not actually meaning it can really hurt. I myself have been bullied on the 3rd grade. Even tho it happened so long ago, it still affects me. This is my story.

It begun from a small thing: the bullies mocked my simple beanie. It wasn't a weird one, many people before me have been wearing the same kind of beanie. Sure, it maybe wasn't the cutest or the most beautiful beanie ever, but it was warm and comfortable. I really liked it. Something like the beanie in the picture there, but it was white. There was nothing wrong with it. But that was the reason it all started. And why did they bully me then? That's something I'd like to know too. Maybe I was just an easy target...

  I didn't know the people who bullied me. They were from the Secondary School, way older than me. First it was just calling names. I remember them saying that I looked like an "ugly little baby" and that they just couldn't understand why my mother would even let me wear something horrible like that. They said something else too, but let's not get too into that. Oh, and "they" were two girls. The others around the girls were just laughing at what the girls said, making me feel bad. 
  But then it got worse. It wasn't just calling names anymore. The girls got to me, took my beanie, threw it to each other and laughed. I tried to change my beanie, it didn't work. They always found something else: my shoes, my backpack ect. And it just continued. Sometimes I said something. They didn't listen. Just laughed and continued. I was afraid to tell anyone about the bullying. I was just too afraid that it would get worse than it already was. I wanted to stop school. So for a week or so I pretended to be ill. And then my mom realized that something wasn't quite right. Eventully I told my mother what was happening. She promised she'd help. 
  The next week I went to school, feeling better. But nothing changed. I was still bullied and I still pretended to be ill and stayed at home.My mom was trying her best to help me.
  The next adult I told about being bullied was our school nurse. I spent time with her probably half of the time I was at school. I talked and talked and talked. She tried to make a change. She talked to my classteacher and most importantly to my mother. So at school I was talking to the nurse and at home to my mother. At one point I needed to go to see my classteacher. She gave me a file with pictures in it and told me to point out the ones who bullied me. It wasn't possible because there wasn't pictures from the ones who actually did it. So I just pointed out people, who I thought had looked at me mean or who seemed like bullies. These people ended up having "the talk" and of course denied it, which wasn't too big of a suprise. As for the bullying, it never stopped. My teacher thought everything had cleared out.

  The next time my teacher heard I was bullied, I was called to the principal's office. There I told, crying, the same thing I already had told a million times: I didn't know my bullies and it only got worse and worse. The principal, like my classteacher, never really believed me. They put someone to follow me during breaks and again they thought that the problem was solved. But it didn't help. I was bullied before and after school hours. So the ones who were supposed to follow me and stop the bullying never got a change to do something about it.
  My mom was in a meeting with the schoo nurse, my classteacher and the principal. The result was following: I just simply wanted attention and I was lying about being bullied. Our principal had pointed out to my mom: "There is NO bullying in OUR school". Yeah right. So nothing else was done and I got the reputation of a liar. 

  The bullying lasted the complete 3rd grade. It was always the two girls and their friends who laughed. I was away from school at least two to three months because I was afraid to go there. A great school year...
  4th grade was a bit better, but I was very careful and an outsider. The scars were so deep that I still didn't enjoy being in school and while I was there I was pretending to be someone I wasn't. On the 5th grade I got friends and they learned a new side of me. On the 6th grade I seemed okay- inside I was still stuggling.
  On the 3rd grade I cried a lot, on the 4th I often cried myself to sleep, as well as in the 5th too. The 6th grade was better than the three before- I had good, but occasionally bad moments. But I survived. 

  Secondary School started and I was afraid I'm gonna be alone. Some of my good friends had changed class or even schools. Somehow I found myself with new people around, guys mainly. Everyday I was spending more and more time with them. I could say we were friends. I even had a crush on one. So my Lower Secondary School went by nice and fast. I wouldn't have made it through without these guys. You guys saved me, thank you =)

So I quess what i wanted to say here is that bullying is always wrong. It can start from something small and cut someone deeply. And as I said in the beginning, it still accects me. I don't have a huge friendgroup, but the friends I have are close to me. I am reserved and careful because I don't want to get hurt. But I am still me and I am okay. That's all that matter.

  For all the bullies out there, shame on you! No one deserves to be bullied. And for all the people who are bullied: hang in there and talk about it. You are beautiful, you are great and you are you.  Always remember that.

  Hope you all have a wonderful bullying-free week ahed of you. 
Until next time. Take care!



Pictures: Google- search: "Bullying is wrong" and the beanie: click here